Strength

I guess I've just hurt for so long in so many ways that I don't feel anything anymore. Not for long at least.
I'll cry my eyes out for a night and wake up the next morning feeling somewhat relieved, like my time asleep was the time for my body to reconstruct my mind and my heart.
I don't always feel 100% better, but any better than my breaking point is good enough for me. I tend to do some pretty courageous things at my breaking point, things I wouldn't do when I'm trying to act like I have myself together, and I realize a lot more of the truth at these moments than I do otherwise.
I guess that's when I'm the strongest. When I feel the weight of the world is being thrown at me by everyone I love, when I feel like no one wants to stick around, when I feel like I'm just a waste of a body, I realize I can actually be wrong. That's when I accept the facts, admit the truth about everything to myself, and move on, one day at a time.
It's okay to not be okay, but what a waste of a happy life it would be to live that way. Why cry when I can bless others with my smile? Why worry about how someone else is living their life when I can create a future of my own? Why be weak when I can be strong, not only for myself, but for others who may be struggling as well? I may very well be the only example of strength through the hard times that someone will ever see, and that may very well save someone's life.

"Don't let today's unhappiness carry over into tomorrow's success." <-- Even though you might be selfishly leaving me, I love you more and more every day for this. Thank you for lifting me up when I have fallen down the hardest. That's the reason why I always have and always will accept the love you offer. At the times when I doubt everything you have ever said to me, I will always be here for you as much as, if not somehow more, than you've been here for me. You've taught me what love is. You've taught me the reality of the world more than anyone has. You've taught me what's really important in life. You taught me who I want to be, and what I stand for. You taught me how to stand on my own two feet and do what's best for me, not what's best for anyone else. I truly can't thank you enough, and I will never be able to tell you with words how much I love you, but I hope somehow you know. I hope somehow you'll always know. I love you.