February 5th, 2014 I met him. 3 months later I loved him. And 3 months even later I know that he is in my life for a while.
This summer he went to work in Cali for 3 months, meaning I don't get to see him unless its on Skype and I don't really get to talk to him unless its 3am. But I know that in 1 month he will be back, and we will be the same as we were 2 months ago before he left.
This summer I was planning to be in West Virginia with a team from my school doing missions work with some local churches, but God had other plans for me. I had to take 2 online classes at the beginning of the summer because I lost my scholarship. I got a job as a nanny for a 12 year old girl. I wasn't going anywhere outside of a 10 mile radius this summer. God's plan for me was to stay at home in the place I'm desperate to leave so that I can learn to face my demons and trust in Him. He wants me to be here where I am familiar in order to be comfortable and able to learn His word and grow. He needs me to be here for the people closest to me, to be a light for Him while I learn what that means.
I've learned so much through experience this summer. I started off completely depressed as I always am when I'm in Lexington, surrounded by my ugly past. I didn't think I was ever going to be good enough for Him or him or them. But unlike other times in my life, I continued to seek His face and His presence. I continued to look up at His wonderful glory. The mercy of the ultimate Physician. The love of my all powerful, sovereign Father, who promises to be faithful no matter how faithless I feel. He continues to break me so that I will continue to see this love and mercy and faithfulness. He continues to break me so that he will see me at my worst before he gets to see my best. He is teaching me about praise and wisdom and righteousness and love. I wanted the summer to end for the first month and a half, but then I realized that was no way to thank my Father. To wish that I could be where I wanted to be doing what I wanted to do while He is graciously giving me all that I need right here is plain ignorant. But He is forgiving. He knows that I hurt, and He fills my heart with joy and peace. He is reminding me that His love is first and total, anyone else can not compare. Also, He has shown me that because He loves me, because He is willing to love every part of someone so dirty and wrong, that he CAN actually love me, and I can love him too.
I love my God and appreciate His power so much more for this summer, and I know that on August 14th, 2014 I will fully understand the purpose of it all, more so than He wants me to know now.
