Now < Now

I've loved and loved and loved, only to stand almost completely alone time after time. I've given my heart to others, only to watch it shatter, right before my eyes. Although, somehow I always seem to shut my eyes before I have a chance to believe that my heart is somewhere it shouldn't be.. It's like my mind shuts itself down because subconsciously it knows that I am somewhere I shouldn't be, in a situation that's I could have avoided if I wouldn't have shut my eyes to begin with.

Sometimes I find myself falling back down into the depressed state I was in for a good many months in the past two years. I let the past heartbreaks and mistakes catch up to me, and I start thinking of things I should have done differently. And do you know where that gets me? Certainly not back into those situations to do those things differently. There is no reason for me to dwell on a past that I no longer have control over. There is no reason for me to be upset about the things I didn't do, when I should be focused on what I need to do now to make my future as bright as it should be.

A very, very close friend of mine sent me a text tonight, not knowing anything that was going through my mind. I don't think he will ever truly understand how much these words just helped me: "Well feelings suck. And I know how to hurt pretty damn well. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're one of the few genuine people left in this world. Whatever it is I love you and you're going to go places with your life. Don't let today's unhappiness carry over to tomorrow's success. Keep your head up."

That was almost the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me, and it REALLY made a huge difference in my currently jumbled state of mind. I've grown into a pretty positive, clear minded, goal oriented person over the past 3 years, but there are still times when I catch myself falling back into the negativity that got me into medication and therapy before. On the bright side, tonights struggles helped me realize:
1. I AM going somewhere with my life. I will be attending North Greenville University in August of 2013 to study psychology. In the mean time, I am spreading love and kindness to people I pass throughout the day in hopes of making some kind of difference somewhere along the way.
2. No hurt can last forever. The sun rises every morning, even if the sky is a little cloudy. So why waste time that I could spend being happy being upset over something that already happened, something that I can't change or undo? Just let it be as it is.
3. In saying this, everything happens for a reason. We love and lose so that we know what it means to love, but so that we also know how it feels to break, in the end making us stronger and more prepared for the next time something doesn't go our way.

Happiness is truly a nothing much more than a mindset. If you think positively, you will spread positive vibes through your words and your actions.
I've just got to remember to keep my head up, and find the beauty that is always hidden somewhere in a situation.