By the way...

Friday, August 14, 2015

He asked me to marry him. 

I said yes. 

August 5, 2016

I will be married to the best friend my heart has ever known, the love of my life. 

Amen, and Amen.

“He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”

Psalm 103:10-12 ESV

Steadfast: unwavering. committed. dedicated. reliable. true. constant. 

Let me be the first to say: you will NEVER find love like this in a person. If the "true love" you have with a person is failing, it isn't true love. If the love you have with a person looks like a desperate need for closeness over the desire to spend time together, closed minded arguments with no intent on persuasion, immense fear of losing the person leading to loss of who you are, etc...you do not have true love. If your love looks like two people who are pretty well off, who have a regular date night, who see a future with each other, but the two of you do not focus on Jesus's plans for your future, you do not have true love. Tell me honestly that the person you are planning this future with has never skipped out on a date night or disappointed you in some way. True, steadfast love is unfailing, reliable, constant, trustworthy. JESUS is TRUE love. If you are loving without Jesus, you will always -- always -- be disappointed. 

Let me tell you a story about a little girl. She was a pretty little girl. She had a beautiful home, a great school, lots of friends, a sweet little family, and a supportive church family. What could go wrong? I'll tell you what - imperfect love. Love without Jesus looked like this: Her family split apart. Her church family abandoned her. Her many friends began to make fun of her. She was forced to move out of her beautiful home, into a new school. Her sweet little family turned into a huge, bitter family. Her beautiful smile turned into endless tears and pieces of her broken heart were tossed around and broken even further by people who did not have true Love in their hearts. I am this girl, and I am damaged. I am imperfect. I am insecure. Some days I struggle to get out of bed and socialize because I fear the imperfect love and rejection people have the capability to offer. Even so, I am better now than I was before. I have true, perfect, steadfast Love surrounding my broken heart and holding it together with mighty, merciful hands. The Lord was with me through all of this, preparing my heart for His will, to be filled with passion, empathy, and loyalty. He knew that one day He was going to tell me to stand up on my knees and let go of the baggage I thought would forever define me. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. I am longer a slave to fear. I am no longer a slave to insecurity, doubt, sadness, comfort, pride, or my mind. I am a child of God, of perfect Love, of grace. In Christ I have hope and a future, I am forgiven and free, and I am LOVED with the most perfect love imaginable. 

Who, Me?

I emotional eat, and I do it way too much. 

I lay in bed for an hour before I get up every morning. 

I like chocolate milk, chocolate pop tarts, and brownies, but I hate chocolate. 

I cry when I watch TV weddings or relationships unfold. 

I'm secretly a famous singer/model. 

I don't have ANY friends because I'm too scared of what people think of me to let them in my life. 

I only get mad when people disagree with my emotions or when people don't do something I ask them to do. 

I'm obsessed with my eyelashes for obvious reasons. 

I secretly love lexington, the town itself anyways. 

My only real dream is to go to Jamaica. 

I also want to go to the Bermuda Triangle and not get lost forever. 

I know things about myself, but I don't know who I am. Maybe that's because no one else cares to know, so I've never tried to figure it out. I'm emotionally unstable sometimes, and I have the lowest self confidence ever. I don't believe anyone who tells me they love me. I don't know how to be strong. 

I know I am weak, and I know I need a great Savior. As far as what happens next... Maybe I'll never know.