I made it into my sophomore year of college. I'm on my own for the first time, finally able to make my own choices without the burden of paying for them (for now). My earliest class is 10 am, only on Mondays and Wednesdays. I start class at 12:15, 3:05, and 11:15 the other 3 days of the week. I go to my classes, take notes/doodle/social media throughout class, I spend my time in between classes in meaningless small talk with my acquaintances, and I eat a cheeseburger for lunch every single day. I live my mornings routinely, and I fill my afternoons with the first social opportunity I am offered. I do homework 1-2 nights a week, if that. My spiritual life is slacking because I am far too focused on meaningless small talk and my boyfriend. I fight with every minute of the day to hold on to the friendships I barely have. My name is Jenna, and I have too much fun.
Tonight I am burdened by my sins, which is a good thing. I don't feel heavy, I feel empty. I feel as though I have ignored my weaknesses and my shortcomings to a point where I'm not exactly sure what I struggle with. I've tuned out the bad in me, and in the world around me. This being said, I've tuned out the good in my God.
It is time that I get serious. The meaningless small talk I engage in throughout every day is just that - meaningless. Sitting idly by while the life God has blessed me with passes around me is a quick ticket to rock bottom. Pushing away reality with random "things" to block out the evil that I'm afraid to face does not make a way to get out of facing it.
I believe my flaw is that I see life as a broad whole. I believe God has a plan for my life, being my future. I forget that each moment I am alive adds up to equal my life, leading me to unconsciously take advantage of each day. I casually "check in" with God throughout the day to let Him know I am thinking about Him, and I go about having fun doing what I want to be doing. I forget about strengthening the ONE relationship that matters. I forget to empathize through deep conversations with those around me. I forget to study. I forget to live the life that God has given me in the ways that He expects and deserves for me to live. It is far beyond the time I should get serious about my life and my faith. I know what I need to do, it crosses my mind daily. It is far beyond the time that I do the things I think about. My prayer tonight is that God would remove all that is not necessary for Him to strengthen my faith and my relationship with Him so that I can get serious about His purpose for me, and becoming the person that He created me to be. I know I will not be perfect, but I will strive to keep Christ central to me in my actions, thoughts, words, and decisions. I will seek total surrender to Him each morning before I get up to face my distractions. I need Your help, Lord. I want Your help. I love You, God.
xo- a daughter of THE King
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