Unsure

I haven't written in about 7 months, because I haven't really had much to say. I still don't, to be honest. But for some reason I feel I should say something rather than nothing. 

Maybe I'll read this in a few years and I'll know what God was doing, or maybe I'll understand shortly after I've written whatever it is I'm about to write. I think I'll just start writing what I've been doing lately and see where that takes me. 

I started working at Chickfila again, "only for the summer," or so I thought. It turns out I'll probably be transferring to the one where Justin and my apartment is located. YAY I CAN'T STAND THE WAIT... (By the way, Justin and I got an apartment.) A few days before I started working, I started the whole 30 diet plan. The point is to change your eating habits, but you also manage to lose weight in the process. I've lost about 8 pounds so far, and I have 1 week left as of today.  I think I'm getting greedy with weight loss though. I mean, I won't say I haven't cheate a lot, but I have noticed mysel saying no a lot. Am I loving myself in wanting to love rather than indulge myself? I just don't want food to stay an idol, but I don't want planning or avoiding food to become an idol either. I've noticed myself thinking a lot more about food during this 30 days, ironically. 

I'm also taking time each day to get into God's word. I only read a few verses at a time to make sure I don't get overwhelmed and give up like I normally do. I'm reading Romans, so naturally I want to take it as slowly as possible. I think the Lord has me right where He wants me in that regard (of course). I've wanted to learn the basics of Christianity because I feel like I was just expected to know them when I came to NGU. Maybe I knew a few of them, but I really don't think I've understood what it means to follow Christ until I started reading Romans. I'm finally starting to. I pray before I read that God would help me understand what He wants me to understand, and that I'd hear with not just my ears but also my heart. It's so encouraging because He DOES help me understand, and I just feel like I'm getting it. His love is what I should be chasing after, not my responsibility or my future. I'm here TODAY to be open and willing to be used by the Father. I'm here today to glorify Him with every part of my life because He deserves it. In His mercy, He chose ME, not because I deserve it but because He is gracious and loving. It is up to Him who softens and who hardens to His word. He is sovereign over ALL. 

I guess that's all I have to say. The girl I'm babysitting is supposed to be sleeping but she's talk talk talking so I'd better go talk talk talk to her about that. 

xo